The Barbie List

Barbie

Angry Feminist Barbie
Angry Mattel Lawyer Barbie
Attack of the 50 Foot Barbie!
B-Movie Extra Barbie
The Bell Jar Barbie
Blandly Good-Natured Despite It All Barbie
Botched Rhinoplasty Barbie
Botulism Barbie
Biological Warfare Barbie
Bram Stoker's Barbie
Branch Davidian Barbie
Byzantine Barbie
Captain Tripps Barbie
Celebrity Jeopardy Barbie
Christmas in Hollis Barbie
Church of Scientology Barbie
College Dropout Barbie
Concealing My Inner Hatred Barbie
Depressing Childhood Regression Barbie
Dominatrix Barbie
East German Swim Team Barbie
Ebolla Barbie
Fear and Loathing Barbie
God Bless Our Amish Home Barbie & Ken
Hairy Hippy Barbie
The Haunting of Hill House Barbie
Helen of Troy Barbie (comes with ruined city, Paris Ken, and angry Meneleus Ken)
Hong Kong Sex Show Barbie
Hot Hot Vampire Bride of Satan Barbie
Hungry Hungry Hippo Barbie
IRS Auditor Barbie
I Can't Believe It's Not Barbie!
I Resent My Albinism Barbie
I've Been Sold into White Slavery Barbie
Jewel Barbie (comes with emotionally overwrought compilation of badly written poetry and love songs)
Jocasta Barbie (comes with deep-seated sense of personal shame)
Jonestown: The Day After Barbie
Kappa Kappa Gamma Barbie (comes with vacous facial expression)
Karen Carpenter Barbie (comes with intravenous feeding tube)
Living By My Horoscope Barbie
Lord of the Flies Barbie
Lost in Bangkok Barbie
Lying to Get Abortion Money from Ken Barbie
Man-Hating Dyke Barbie
Medea Barbie
Merry Widow Barbie
Midget Porn Barbie
Militant Environmentalist Barbie
Morning After Barbie (comes with smeared makeup and RU-486)
Muffin the Vampire Baker Barbie
Multiple Amputee Barbie
Nation of Islam Barbie
Necrotizing Faschiitis Barbie
Oh-God-Oh-God-I-Failed-the-Pregnancy-Test Barbie
Poorly Dubbed Barbie
Prominent Facial Birthmark Barbie
Quadruple Bipass Barbie
Saigon Whore Barbie
Shattered Dreams Barbie
Sherpa Barbie
Sister Mary Ignatius Barbie
Smoke-a-Bowl Barbie
Snuff Film Barbie
Stepford Barbie
Tanning Bed Barbie
Third Degree Burns Over 80% of My Body Barbie
This Was My Life Barbie
Thwarted Beauty Queen Barbie
Trailer Trash Barbie
Transsexual Barbie/Ken
Tummy Tuck Barbie
Urotsukidoji Barbie
Vengeful Figure Skater Barbie
Waco Barbie
Waking in a Pool of My Own Vomit Barbie
We Lost the Newlywed Game Barbie & Ken
"Who needs men?" Barbie
Witness Protection Program Barbie (comes with sunglasses and jumpy demeanor)
Yielding to the Patriarchy Barbie

Family & Friends

15 Year Taco Bell Veteran Ken
28 and Living in My Parents' Basement Ken
Acne Scarred Ken
Agamemnon Ken
Anaphylactic Shock Skipper
Angry Fascist Ken
Anthrax Skipper
Ate My Balls Ken
The Bad Seed Skipper
Beat Poet Skipper (comes with beret and copy of Naked Lunch)
Black Sabbath Skipper
Bolshevik Ken
Burning with Inexplicable Rage Ken
Caligula Ken
Carrie Skipper
Casting Agent Ken (comes with naive, overzealous Skipper)
Celebrity Endorsement Skipper
Children of the Corn Skipper
Chlamydia Ken
Chris Farley Ken
Colostomy Bag Ken
Columbian Drug Lord Ken
Cubicle Ken (can't be removed from box)
Dark Alley Mugger Ken
Defrocked Catholic Priest Ken (comes with Choirboy Kevin)
Don't Ask Don't Tell Ken
Dwelling On My Own Inadequacy Skipper
Escape From New York Ken
"Et tu, Brute?" Ken
Exorcist Kelly
Fanboy Ken
Fighting the Corporate Establishment Ken
Film Student Skipper (comes with black turtleneck and expression of deep contempt)
Fugitive Ken (comes with dead Barbie and burning desire for vengeance)
Full Metal Jacket Ken
Genital Warts Ken
Hangover Skipper (comes with fake ID and strange Ken doll)
Hiding My Sense of Inadequacy Through Contempt for Others Ken
Hinting at Anal Sex Ken
Horny United States Senator Ken
I Coulda Been a Contender Ken
I Was a Teenage Werewolf Kevin
I'm Starting to Show Skipper
Inadequately Impersonating David Lee Roth Ken
Internet Stalker Ken
Is My Leotard Riding Up? Ken
Jeffrey Dahmer Ken
John Wayne Bobbit Ken
Killing You Softly Ken
L. Ron Hubbard Ken
Leaves of Grass Ken
Manwhore Ken
Michigan Militia Ken
Misplaced Affections Ken
Morning After Ken (comes with self-congratulatory expression)
Mullet Ken
Oedipus Ken (eyes bleed when you squeeze his midsection)
Owned by the Megacorporation Ken
Pastel Polo Shirt Ken
Pedofile Ken (comes with clown suit and optional Kelly)
Peeping Tom Ken
Pimpin' Ain't Easy Ken
Polio Skipper
Repeat Sex Offender Ken
Rocky Horror Ken
Ron Jeremy Ken
Ron Popil Ken (comes with sample product and pre-written spiel)
Running of the Bulls Ken
Russian Gulag Ken
SIDS Kelly
Scary Goth Girl Skipper (comes with black makeup and diary of crappy pseudo-suicidal poetry)
Scary Sexually Insinuating Gameshow Host Ken
Second Rate Superhero Ken
Seedy Porn Store Employee Ken
Senatorial Conspiracy Ken
Seventh Century Druid Ken (comes with sacrificial virgin Skipper)
Soupy Sales Ken
Sleep Apnea Skipper
Sleepin' On the Couch Tonight Ken
SteveDave Ken
Street Samurai Ken
Stuart Smalley Ken
Trapped in the 80s Ken
Vasectomy Ken (comes with ice pack and pained expression)
Vecna Ken
Village of the Damned Skipper
"Veni, vedi, vici" Skipper
Vlad the Impaler Ken
Yeti Ken

Accessories

Barbie's The Birds Playset
Barbie's Broken Down 1983 Chevette with Loose Alternator Belt
Barbie's Chappaquiddick Playset
Barbie's Corner Grocery in a Rapidly Declining Neighborhood
Barbie's Corporate Nightmare
Barbie's Demeaning Fast Food Workplace
Barbie's Donner Party Playset
Barbie's Doublewide
Barbie's Geriatric Playset (comes with painfully small SSA check)
Barbie's Greasy Spoon (comes with Health Inspector Ken and bribe money)
Barbie's Planned Parenthood Clinic
Barbie's Soviet Playset
Barbie's Tacky SUV with Baby On Board Sign
Barbie's Third Reich Playset (comes with Breeder Barbie, S.S. Ken and Hitler Youth Skipper)
Barbie's 1970s VW Minibus (comes with poncho and anti-nukes pamphlets)
Barbie's Zoroastrian Adventure
Ken's Scary Windowless Delivery Van