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If your
significant other has ever responded "I dunno, I’m busy, go
away" to the innocent inquiry as to why there are
random-looking metal parts and an empty computer case laying
all over your desk (ie. What the hell are you doing?!), I feel
your pain.
Having arrived in England in September, a
week after I did, to live and work for the year, my now-fiancé
immediately unpacked and turned on his new computer....
followed some time later by unpacking the surprise-engagement
ring.
Over the time we’ve been together, however, I
like to think I’ve adapted to thrive in our cozy threesome:
him, me, and his laptop. More than that, I think I’ve managed
to actually learn something in the process (and understand the
highest compliment he could ever pay me: naming his new
computer ‘Trish’).
So, if your new boyfriend asks if
you have a flashlight, paperclip, and a set of glasses
screwdrivers, while eyeing your new system, you needn’t panic
right away. Just follow these five easy steps to a more
harmonious relationship with your favorite computer
geek.
1) Don’t question why his computer always
needs to go faster. Just assume that achieving this will
involve taking over your work space with very small screws and
even smaller unidentifiable parts. And yes, it will be
time-consuming, before you ask. It is usually acceptable to
ask questions when he’s unscrewing screws (as long as it’s not
‘What the hell are you doing?!’), but generally not if he is
tinkering with something that looks like this:
Don’t comment on how
funny he looks with one eye shut. Instead, remark on how sexy
he is when he’s concentrating (not sarcastically). Don’t
expect more than a brief smile, or if you’re really lucky, a
glance in your general direction.
2) Don’t try
to initiate any deep conversations when he’s up to his elbows
in the bowels of his computer. You won’t get any intelligible
response: the lucky among us are treated to a grunt or ‘huh?’
noise. Regardless, he’s not really listening. I prefer to
consider this evidence of intense concentration rather than
just being ignored.
Understand his point of view
through an analogy: you’re glued to the season finale of
Buffy (or other dramatic, heart-wrenching series
as appropriate). Angel returns, and is about to declare his
still undying love for Buffy: your mate interrupts to ask why
you took all of his clothes from the perfectly good spot he
had them on the floor. Yes, I know you really need to
talk to him, but just postpone it for an hour or
two.
3) Show some interest! Ask questions,
even if they’re absolutely and utterly stupid (‘So, they could
really call it SUPERclocking, not overclocking, right?’)
Eventually you’ll pick up a bit more and figure out that
this:
is actually the CPU.
Don’t worry, he’ll usually dumb-down the explanations enough
for a ‘normal person’ to understand (‘The CPU is the part that
does all the thinking’). The CPU thing took me about 6 months
to fully process. Just ignore that inner voice that’s
screaming ‘Who cares what that part does?!’. He’ll
really appreciate it when you give caring an honest
attempt.
Another approach is to read up on some aspect
that does interest you. Ever thought about writing a small
personal webpage? Throw out your copy of Frontpage
immediately , and look at a free html tutorial online.
It won’t take that much time, and its easier than you would
think. There are tons of companies that will publish your site
online for free!
I’ll never forget the response I got
after I figured out how to play the MP3 music files from my
computer on his computer (with better speakers): "Dear! Dear!
You’re networking! You’re networking!", accompanied by a very
amusing happy-dance.
4) Ask before you touch
stuff if he’s got the case open. Don’t read articles over his
shoulder and then start talking about it before he’s finished
reading. Don’t eat over his computer. Don’t question why he
gets excited about a component that’s scheduled for release in
2008. Most importantly, remember that a neck massage will
distract him from almost anything.
5)
Acknowledge the perks you get for dating a computer geek: free
tech support 24 hours a day! (So much better than getting an
annoying kid that doesn’t know anything after half an hour on
hold.) Also, take him with you if you buy a new system. You
won’t get hosed if he asks questions that the sales guy has to
get his manager to answer. When I bought my laptop about 3
years ago, I paid about C$500 in insurance that I didn’t need
and C$100 extra on my printer than the going rate.
Unfortunately, I suspect that many not-so-informed women pay
way too much for less-than-ideal systems. Sigh. Just like
cars, haircuts, and deodorant. Do try to be well informed
yourself, but having a guy along can give you an
edge.
Being in love with a computer geek can try your
faculties at the best of times. But hey, just think of the
loyalty, dedication, patience, and enthusiasm that must be
buried in that boy somewhere! Or.... just remember the free
tech support.
Patricia Gongal
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